Red Nose Day at Pazos Family Law


Prisionero: Abogado, como va lo mio? Abogado: Va muy bien ! Pero si te puedes escapar, mejor!
Thank you Mike Christiansen of Mastriana & Christiansen for your generous Red Nose Day donation! We’re very happy to celebrate with you. -Pazos Family Law
Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down they’re really good people.
They are two men walking and one asks the other: Hey I need a good lawyer !! and there was a homeless on the street and says, my ex-wife knows the best lawyer!!!
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? 1. How many can you afford? 2. None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark. 3. According to lawyers, just one to hold the bulb while the whole world revolves around the lawyer. 4. 3, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it and one to sue the ladder company.
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Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called Divorced Barbie? It comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony!
What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick
Why have they started using lawyers for laboratory experiments ??? Because there are somethings a rat just won’t do.
5000 dead criminal defense lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
“It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets.”
Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie? Witness: Yes. I would go to hell. Judge: Is that all? Witness: Isn’t that enough?
As the lawyer was getting out of his car another car came by striking the lawyer’s door and ripping it off. When the police got there the lawyer said oh my god look at my car! The police officer said what is it with you lawyers? All you worry about material things. If you would’ve been more observant you would’ve noticed that when the door was ripped off so was your arm! The lawyer screamed oh my god! …………. Where’s my Rolex!
Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling a pig in mud, sooner or later you realize that they like it.
One day a man found an abandoned bottle on a beach. He rubbed it, and out came a genie! The genie said “I will grant you three wishes, but there’s a catch.” “What catch?” the ecstatic man replied. “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world receives double what you asked for.” The man thought about this and said, “I can live with that! No problem.” “Then what is your first wish?” the genie prepared to do some magic. “Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now every lawyer in the world has two Ferrari’s,” said the genie. “Next wish?” “I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man. POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world has two million dollars,” said the Genie, “What’s your final wish?” The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…”
” I”ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of” I’m telling my mommy!”
A guy goes into a lawyer’s office for a consultation and asks “How much do you charge?” The lawyer says “One thousand dollars for three questions.” The guy says “Geez, isn’t that kind of expensive?” The lawyer says “Yes. What’s your third question?”
A Doctor and a Lawyer are at a party. The Doctor indicates he is constantly ask medical questions at parties and indicates the lawyer must have the same thing happen. How does he handle the situation? The lawyer indicates, I answer the question and the next day send them a bill. The Doctor thinks it over and decides to bill the people. He goes to his mail box to place the bills in for pick up and finds a bill from the lawyer.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get it down to five”. -Steven Wright-
What happens when a male lawyer takes Viagra? He gets taller
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
In spanish haaaaa Cual es el colmo de un jorobado? Estudiar Derecho!
What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers do not think they are funny and nobody else thinks they’re jokes!!
One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” The student replied, “Here’s an orange.” The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!” The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell him, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…”
Whoever tells the best story wins. – John Quincy Adams
How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
How many Lawyer jokes are there? Only 3, the rest are true stories.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.
What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad? Senator.
“There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people.” -Sandra Day O’Connor

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